Fragrant Heart Blog

From all the research that I’ve been doing lately around meditation and living in present moment awareness it appears that there is no sure fire way to make awakening happen. Some people wake up just by accident, often after extreme depths of despair and depression. Others follow spiritual practices and disciplines under the mentoring of a teacher. When they wake up they get to live with the certainty of non-separation, inner peace, clarity of mind, and often profound wisdom. They are great helpers and pointers for the rest of us following a spiritual path in life. Their wisdom can inspire us to understand that there is more beyond our own wants and desires, that there is more than just the day to day concerns for our survival.

It would seem once again by listening to the experts in the field of mind/body awareness that meditation is a necessary and powerful tool to gain access to living more in the present moment. Here we can experience an ongoing reality of inner peace, and serenity and at the same time alertness and clarity of mind.

Ongoing Negativity and Emotional Turmoil

However, some people can meditate for years and years and still experience emotional turmoil, and deeply negative feelings in their daily lives. Somehow the experience of quiescence in a meditation session may not always be carried over to everyday living. Often deeply ingrained core beliefs at an unconscious level strongly influence how someone interacts with the world and others.

Combining Western Psychological Methods with Meditation

Meditation has come to the west through the eastern doorway and we associate it with having its roots in India. However, meditation goes back to our earliest beginnings, therefore it is an inherent part of our collective consciousness no matter where we live in the world. The overlays of conditioning in our modern world have taken us away from our true nature by the impact of the values of the society we live in. For example, we do things that are not always right for us out of a sense of duty, obligation, fear, guilt or something else. We might have glimpses of present momentary awareness but, when challenged by someone else, for example, all our inner peace evaporates and we can become either aggressive or defensive. If this is happening to you, consider the benefits of our own western psychological models to also help in the waking up process. Some of the more helpful psychological inner workings that are being used effectively by experienced practitioners with clients are “Inner Voice Dialogue” and “Shadow Work”. These combined with ongoing meditation practice to anchor awareness are proving to help integrate inner conflicts.

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How many times have you said something to someone that you instantly, or later regretted? It’s often referred to as ‘foot and mouth disease’. Out come the words and then the thought, “Whoops, I didn’t mean to say that!” or “Did I really say that?” Usually the impact of our words gets an immediate reaction from the person we’ve aimed them out and a reaction we usually don’t like.

How meditation affects what you say

One of the benefits of meditating is that over time more and more awareness comes into our daily lives. The Buddha, who said some very profound things a few thousand years ago, talked about ‘The Eight Fold Path’ that leads to the end of suffering. One of these interrelated parts is called Right Speech. Meditation is about becoming the witness to our thoughts, emotions and physical sensations in our bodies. Right Speech is about becoming the witness to our words, and observing ourselves speaking so that we make correct choices. Compassion and love are the hallmarks of Right Speech. We become Mindful (another step along The Eight Fold Path) observing ourselves without judgment, witnessing the spoken words, witnessing the breath. We may find that what we talk about and how we talk changes. There is less inclination to want to gossip or be critical of others. We may be less inclined to chatter to reduce our insecurities. We may become more sensitive to not just the sound of our voices and what we are saying, but to the sounds in nature, and the sounds in music. We may enjoy longer periods of silence and solitude. Right Speech and Mindfulness are just two steps along the way that lead us to greater inner peace.

Last week I watched a movie on Happiness with Deepak Chopra. Deepak Chopra is an acclaimed author, teacher and doctor. He said that when people really reflect on what they want, it is to see a happier world, to be happy, and to make others happy.

What determines Happiness?

Apparently there is a set point in the brain that determines happiness which is genetically programmed. However, it can be changed in different ways. Drugs for example, can alter chemistry in the brain but they invariably have debilitating side effects. Cognitive Therapy can also change the set point of happiness. Here it’s possible to get rid of false beliefs by simply releasing an attachment to an idea and shifting a perception e.g. ‘I’m not good enough”, to a new belief, ‘I am okay just the way I am.’ MEDITATION can also change the biological set point. When a person meditates the pre-frontal cortex of the brain gets activated and releases its own chemicals such as serotonin, oxytocin and opiates, which make us feel happy. The side effects of meditation are non toxic and harmless.

People often say, “If I won the lottery I would be happy,” or “If only I had a relationship I would be happy,” or “If my spouse understood me I would be happy.” Life situations are however, not a major determinant. According to Dr Deepak Chopra only 8-15% of the happiness quotient is due to lifestyle. When people do win the lottery, after the initial shock or euphoria their set point of happiness reverts to how it was. Things that give us immediate gratification like sex, food, alcohol, sport or something else only last a relatively short time.

What then makes us humans happy?

Again according to Dr Deepak Chopra fulfilment makes us very happy. When we are fulfilled we have a sense of accomplishment and a knowing that we are making a difference in the world. We become inspired and make choices that are also fulfilling for others. The key here is that making others happy is the golden rule.

My friend Joe, (not his real name) who has been meditating for many years, told me that his only reason for meditating was to feel blissful.

“Does that happen every time you meditate?” I asked him.

“No, it doesn’t,” he replied.

“So, Joe, when you don’t get into a blissed out state after an hour or even two hours of meditation, what’s that like for you?”

“Well it’s extremely disappointing. Sometimes I feel let down that I’ve put so much effort into my practice and I don’t even get the results I want,” he said with a rueful look on his face.

Every thing is rising and falling and passing away

A lot of people meditate with the expectation of getting blissful. It’s possibly a good idea to ask yourself why you meditate, or even if you are new to meditation why you want to take it up. If your goal is only to get into blissed-out states, accept that of course, but also accept that this may not happen as much as you would like. Whether it’s feelings of bliss or the very opposite, all things sooner or later will rise and fall and pass away. If you are clinging onto bliss or some other ‘altered state’, you could become anxious and frustrated when it doesn’t happen to you. Attachment to anything creates misery because it induces fear; fear that it won’t always be there for you, or meet your needs in some way. Bliss is a by-product, so to speak of meditation as are other bodily states such as agitation, lack of concentration, or physical discomfort. Can you accept and allow these as well in your meditation practice? And whenever they arise in your daily life can you accept and allow that too? Can you be the observer of the bliss, or the agitation, or other emotions without identifying with them or judging them or yourself?

Consider the Law of Impermanence. EVERYTHING arises and passes away. One of the reasons we suffer as humans is that we are attached to a self that we think is permanent and we then want to make things around us permanent as well. We can become attached to bliss and want to make that permanent as well.