Meditation Articles Series


Grieving

26 May 2010

When there’s a death in the family there is grieving for the loss of that person.  There can also be other aspects to that loss that carry on family dysfunctions.   The person who has passed away may not have resolved long-standing conflicts with members of the family.  These conflicts may have fuelled anger and resentment over many years.  What often happens is that others in the family will carry those toxic emotions for the deceased person.  As a result we witness throughout the world, family feuds that go on generation after generation, and in the extreme lead to war and bloodshed. 

There’s perversity in the human psyche to play the role of victim, that someone has injured us in some way.  Sometimes we are determined that they will never forget and “pay for it” in some way.  The mind will keep on churning over the same slight year after year.  A weak ego will have to justify why it has to defend itself to remain antagonistic toward the “wrong doer”. 

In Bruce Lipton’s ground breaking scientific research, he concluded that our beliefs become our biology.  For example, carrying around negative thoughts and emotions toward another, and getting others to collude with you over that person’s misdeeds will eventually create dis-ease in your body.  When you create enough toxic thoughts and emotions, you create a toxic body that will break down and become ill.

Is it possible to get over someone offending you in some way before you die?  I believe it is.  And the first step toward that is taking responsibility for our thoughts and actions.  If you believe you have been victimized, then you must delve into the role you have played in the drama.  If for example, you feel someone took something off you, then you must ask yourself how willing were you to share what you have?  How hoarding are you of what you consider belongs only to you?  How generous of spirit are you to those whom you believe dislike you?

If on the other hand you are the one being punished as the victimizer it is necessary to take responsibility for what you did that offended the other person, and then to take action to make amends.  When this happens between family members the whole family benefits from that healing.   Future generations will not have to carry that dis-eased burden.

If it’s not possible to heal a rift before the person passes away, then what to do?  In your prayers, contemplation, and meditation ask the person for forgiveness.  Healing takes place on all levels.  It’s also very important to acknowledge your part and your responsibility for what incurred.  By doing so you can take the next crucial step to forgiving yourself.  This is often very difficult to do.  However, once you have let go your own justifications and self-punishments then move on.  Know that you made a mistake and you learnt something from it.  What would you have learnt?  That you are human, that you will fall down time and time again, but can get up and face yourself with the same love and compassion that you would probably so easily give to someone else in pain.

Bibliography:  “The Biology of Belief” by Bruce Lipton


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